Food Fight! Nope, not necessary. Getting kids to eat better.

The tranquil image of mom, dad, and the kids around the dinner table shares a reality with portraits of unicorns and dragons: Fun to look at but still fiction.

At least that’s a common experience of young parents. In re-reading a Los Angeles Times article recently, I had forgotten that one of the paper’s feature writers referred to one youngster as “a miracle child” for preferring vegetables – including mushrooms and beets – to junk food.

As an expert on that kid – he’s my oldest son, Aaron – the lessons from this nearly 20-year-old article written by the Times Kathleen Doheny are just as applicable today as they were when she first interviewed me.

Our kids were raised vegetarian. (Lacto-ovo vegetarian specifically, meaning we ate dairy and egg products.) Still, I do recall telling the reporter about my son, Aaron: "It's a somewhat surreal experience to be in the grocery store and the things he is grabbing are not Ding-Dongs and Hostess Twinkies, but apples. If you say `cake,' his face will light up like a Christmas tree, but he only takes one or two bites and he's finished."

A miracle child? Hardly. The article noted that my wife and I were careful about what food we had in the house. A box of cookies was about as dangerous as it got.
As quoted: "I have to wonder if parents accidentally undermine their own goals by giving the kids access to junk food." After all, "If you don't expose them to it, they don't know it's a choice."

The L.A. Times writer added that we avoided dinner-time hassles with Aaron by not making a big deal over what he eats. "We don't sit down and say, `You must eat everything on your plate,' " McGuire says. "Some days he eats very little, and a few days later it's growth-spurt time and he eats everything."

Support from the Pros

Like all good reporters, Ms. Doheny talked to others, too, for her article “Food Fight! Children Versus Parents Over Veggies.” Elisabeth Schafer, then a professor of human nutrition at Iowa State University, cited flavor as an obvious reason why kids and veggies don't mix.

"Most vegetables tend to have a fairly strong flavor that tastes even stronger to children than it does to adults," she says. That's because kids' sense of taste is more acute than adults'.

Sociology is a factor, too. "Interactions within the family are a very powerful determinant of food aversions," she says. "The children watch what their parents eat. They pick up both verbal and nonverbal cues at mealtimes." The result: If parents don't eat vegetables, it's unlikely the kids will.

I recall the hypocrisy of certain friends and acquaintances who wanted their kids to eat their vegetables, which mom or dad (or both!) actually hated. Also, when around other young parents, I marveled at all the complaints about kids and junk food. Since most toddlers and preschoolers don’t have a lot of disposable income and rarely shop on their own, I wondered how these little rascals were getting their junk food fixes. Oh, yeah, that would be mom or dad.

One other expert endorsed our “easygoing approach” with food. Ellyn Satter, a Madison, Wis., family therapist who specialized in eating problems, wrote the 1987 book "How to Get Your Kids to Eat." She recommended resolving food conflicts by defining zones of responsibility.

"The parent's responsibility is for what, when and where," Satter says. "The child's responsibility is for what and how much."

Translated, that means it's a parent's job to select and prepare healthy foods and determine when and where dinner will be served. It's also up to parents to limit access to snacks and junk foods. Easiest: If it’s not in the house, your kids can’t eat it; at least not during the hours they are home!

Two big pieces of advice not in the article: make desserts occasional treats (or even rare ones) and consider fruit as a side dish.

I grew up in the Midwest where meals almost always involved dessert: pie, cake, ice cream, pudding. (Or combinations, such as pie ala mode!) The “healthy” options were along the lines of fresh berries with whole cream or strawberry shortcake, sometimes with a side of ice cream. I can hear my smaller arteries slamming shut as I write this. With my own kids, desserts were uncommon and almost always separated by hours from the main meal. There is no need for a child to connect “dinner” and “dessert” in the same time/space continuum.

However, I did serve – and still do – fresh fruit with most evening meals. (Yes, I am the family chef and chief grocery shopper.) When many parents think of side dishes for kids, they think of things like mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, potato chips, and French fries. Not me: a side is fresh melon, berries, mixed fresh fruits, or an occasional frozen or canned fruit (since fresh peaches are sadly unavailable for most of the year).

Raising a pair of vegetarians was not all that tough. Aaron is a Junior at Duke University and, although I have made it clear that whether he eats meat or not is his own choice now that he is on his own, he still chooses to be a vegetarian. I like to think he was raised right but I know he was fed right.